Dear Kate – Love from Chris xx

Dear Kate

Happy 12th Wedding Anniversary my beautiful Angel up in heaven.  I hope you are celebrating with family and friends that I am sure you have made acquaintances with over the last 12 months – how can anyone resist your beautiful and welcoming smile.

Its been a year now since I held your hand for the last time, since I kissed your beautiful face, since we spoke for the last time, since I saw your gorgeous smile and since I had my soul mate with me in body.  You are now my soul mate in heaven and I know one day we will meet again and and I can hold you close once more.

The last year has panned out pretty much as we often spoke about.  I’ve moved house and I think you would really love my new pad – you are very much present in it darling but its not a shrine to you as I know you didn’t want as we laughed about many times.  I’ve done plenty of travelling across the world and taken you to the places you wanted to be scattered – although Shetland was a bit breezy like when we visited!!  I scattered you on my 40th birthday (thank you for the lovely card beautiful) at tombolo beach in Shetland.

Some days it feels like you passed away yesterday and others it feels like many years ago gorgeous.  I (along with others) are certainly keeping your name alive through various awards named after you (I’m sure you have been watching me presenting them) and also the continued success and growth of #hellomynameis – your amazing legacy that inspires thousands globally each day.  Every time I present an award or give a keynote I sense your presence with me.  Our wedding rings are now combined as one that I proudly wear.

You will be pleased to hear that I am doing the global and uk tour that we talked about on many occasions with me jetting off to Australasia in a few weeks to start it.  I remember us fondly planning our holiday to Oz for when you became a consultant and pre kids but then cancer came and changed our life plan.

The nephews and niece are all doing great and are growing quickly.  I often think how amazing an Aunty you were and that you would have made such an amazing Mum to our children – although you often said living with me was like having a child!!

I often get asked about what life would have been like if you hadn’t died but my response (as we often talked about) is always that I am truly thankful for the 16 years we had physically together and that you shouldn’t live thinking about what could have been, more so be thankful for what was – we certainly lived life to the full gorgeous!  Not many people in the world will ever ever have what we had and I truly know that my life is a trillion times better because I shared your life with you and you made me such a better person that I will now take forward in my life.

You probably want to know how I am darling?  As you probably have guessed I am keeping busy and surrounding myself with friends and family – probably more now than I have ever had but I am probably the loneliest I have ever been and I often find myself just sitting and talking to a photo of you with tears streaming down my cheeks then I have visions of you saying ‘jump up’ and I sort myself out.

I recently re-read some of your blogs and one part you wrote said I would be ok for the first 6 months as I would be busy then it would hit me – you (as always) were correct gorgeous.  I just want to hold you, to snuggle with you, to talk to you, to have our ‘nights in’ etc

You will love to know that your story is going to be made into a play to help others and raise money for St Gemmas, I am writing my book to help others, the global tour commences soon, more awards to present, travelling across the globe ensuring your legacy remains (which it will).

You will always be part of me (especially the butterfly tattoo I had done on my leg like yours) my beautiful and inspiring wife.

Forever I am yours my beautiful Angel Kate